In my childhood, there were two animated series I was absolutely obsessed with: The Real Ghostbusters, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When it came to both franchises, I had everything: The toys, the t-shirts, the pajamas, you name it!
Animated series aside, I also loved the live-action movies that came with them (yes, I know that Ghostbusters was a live-action movie BEFORE being an animated series, but this article is about TMNT, so let’s move this along, shall we?).
Fast forwarding a bit to the year 2009: While working at a video store, I befriended a regular customer named Alex Branch, with whom I would eventually co-create the CineBrosSupreme YouTube channel. As it turned out, we both were fans of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and even had a marathon of the three original movies in the Spring of 2009, and as you know: no Turtles marathon is complete without pizza. We literally paused our marathon (I forget which movie we were on at this point), walked to a local pizzeria called Greco Pizza, and ordered a full pie to eat with the movies. Full disclosure: we couldn’t even make it through the third movie, so we turned it off and watched some episodes of the animated series instead.
Later that same year, while visiting Alex, he said to me “Check this out!” and pulled out a VHS tape called We Wish You a Turtle Christmas. As big of a Turtles fan I was, I had never even heard of this Christmas special, but I quickly understood why: It was released directly to video in 1994, and by that time in my life I had moved on to bigger and better things – Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
Alex and I quickly went to my place (since I had a working VCR), and instead of just watching the tape, I decided to simultaneously capture it to my computer. The special wasn’t on YouTube, and I was always after rare / odd things to upload to it. Before we popped in the tape, we thought: “It’s the Turtles, how bad can it be?”. As it turns out: Very.
Join me as I take a look at a Christmas special “so awful that it makes ‘The Star Wars Holiday Special’ look like ‘Citizen Kane’!” (taken from my video description on YouTube).
The tape opens up with a one-minute theme song called We’re the Turtles, which I’ve learned was re-used from another direct-to-video special called Turtle Tunes, also released straight-to-video, and also in 1994. This song isn’t SO bad, and goes along well with shots of the Turtles walking around in their sewer.
We’re off to an okay start, I would say. Just wait…
We then cut to the opening credits, which is just plain white lettering in the comic sans font on a black backdrop. Immediate red flag!
Finally, the special starts rather abruptly with the Turtles decorating a Christmas tree as they break into a Turtle-esque rendition of Deck the Halls…
Deck the halls with Pepperoni, Fa la la la la La la la la Must add eggplant and baloney Fa la la la la La la la la
This is just so bizarre, and for a couple of reasons: Not only does it start abruptly, but Leonardo is singing in a Jamaican accent, doing some scatting and everything… It’s very out of character! Also, it’s immediately apparent that this was not made by the same studio or production company that made the movies, because the costumes here are TERRIBLE! In the movies, at least the turtle masks were able to give them emotion through facial movements and expressions, here you have none of that. The mouths just move up and down in true Pac-Man fashion. Very unsettling.
After wrapping up their song, the Turtles have a chat about how they’re all done their Christmas shopping, until they quickly realize that nobody bought anything for Master Splinter. Of course, it’s 5 p.m. on Christmas Eve, so the Turtles have to scramble to go find a gift for Splinter.
This segues into a short track called Up from the Sewer. Oof. The thing about the songs here is that they are very simple and sound like they were written by children…
Stores will be closing It’s really late I hate to go shopping, I really do Come on, let’s get this done.
Michaelangelo: It’s a beautiful night, it’ll work out fine. Raphael: This is not my idea of fun.
We quickly move from one song to another (who needs a plot, anyway?) as the Turtles break into Gotta Get a Gift, and this time they’re joined by child extras, who are banging along on trash cans… How fitting. Get it? Trash? Garbage? As in “This special is garbage”? Okay, let’s move on to some lyrics…
Gotta get a gift for Splinter He’s the last one on our list He’s the only one we missed We GOTTA get a gift, oh baby
Wait, WHAT THE??? I know, it’s probably the zipper of this cheap costume, but talk about unfortunate placement…
At the end of this song, Raphael states that there are only two hours left before the stores close, reminding us that there actually is a bit of a story here.
This brings us to another song, and a really RANDOM one, at that. On their way to the next store, Michaelangelo stops in front of a Christmas tree and breaks into an opera song called Oh Little City of New-York. What does that have to do with the story? Absolutely nothing. It’s very obvious that the creators of this special wanted to tackle as many musical genres as possible. So, for those of you keeping track: so far we have reggae and opera.
There is one funny bit in this segment where Raphael and (I think) Leonardo try to lift up Michaleangelo and drag him away, but he fights them off and continues to sing. One of the most “in character” moments in the whole special.
Speaking of characters, I find it very hard to make out who’s who here. Michaelangelo and Raphael both look like they’re wearing red bandanas, and Leonardo and Donatello both look like they’re wearing purple. However, that could be the VHS quality making all the colors look the same, but I doubt it.
Now, after the two-minute opera song, Raphael reveals there’s only one hour of shopping left. How convenient. We then have a weird twenty-second bit of the turtles showing off yo-yos, comic books, a skateboard and a pizza. I guess those are the gifts they picked up for Splinter? Who knows, nothing has made sense so far, why start now?
Well, it turns out that those things ARE the gifts for Splinter, as we now join the Turtles wrapping the gifts while they do a little song called Wrap Rap. Yes, you can now add rap to the various musical styles found in this video. I gotta admit though: I kind of like this one. It’s catchy, and I’ve always wanted to make a re-enactment video of it with three other buddies. Never say never.
We now fade into Christmas morning in the sewer, where we see Master Splinter for the first time, and if you thought the Turtles’ costumes looked rough, wait until you see Splinter! He looks more like a cat than a rat, but a cat that got run over by a transport truck. He then speaks for the first time:
“My sons, children, please gather around. LET’S ROCK AND ROLL!”
Once again, a very out-of-character thing for Splinter to say. But it gets worse. He then breaks into a rendition of The Twelve Days of Christmas:
One the first day of Christmas The Turtles gave to me A pizza with pepperoni
One the second day of Christmas The Turtles gave to me Two comic books And a pizza with pepperoni
You get the picture and can figure out the rest, right? Although, I must say: Alex still brings up the “And a pizza with pepperoni” bit quite frequently, complete with the Splinter accent, and I never get tired of it.
Something I realized recently while re-watching this special is that the kids who were banging away at the trash earlier are now hanging out with the Turtles in the sewer!! Where are their parents?!?!?! Do you even know these turtles well enough to follow them into a sewer??? Seems so unsafe…
Anyway, when Splinter FINALLY finishes up The Twelve Days of Christmas, Leonardo (or Donatello, I really can’t tell them apart here) says: “I can’t believe we got through that one. It’s only, like, the longest song ever written.”. He’s not kidding, as it felt like it lasted forever. Far too long, although there was one funny bit where Splinter struggles to keep up, until he gets to “FIVE VIDEO GAMES! Made it!”.
Splinter then gives a speech about the importance of spending time with your loved ones, while thinking of those who are less fortunate, and that Christmas isn’t all about receiving presents. Michaelangelo then basically blows off Splinter’s speech by shouting “Does anybody, like, want a pizza?”, and goes to order one on the phone. But, didn’t Splinter just receive a pizza with pepperoni as a gift?
This leads into the final song in the video, titled We Wish You a Turtles Christmas, to the tune of We Wish you a Merry Christmas. An example of the lyrics:
We wish you a year filled with pizza and cheese, Whipped cream and pickles, But no anchovies
When that song finally wraps up, we’re taken directly to the credits, phew! But guess what? The song plays again OVER the credits! However, the credits end with the voices of the Turtles just talking away as the credits roll.
“How about that ‘Twelve DAYS’ though, man. Did that go on for twelve YEARS, or what?”
The most logical thing spoken in the whole special. Speaking of the voice actors, I gotta say they did a decent job. Only two actors voiced the four Turtles, and they were both unknowns: Eric Anzelone and Alfredo Miller. That’s right folks, even Corey Feldman wouldn’t touch this one. That says something….
In addition to providing voices, Anzelone was the physical actor for Raphael, while Miller was in the Michaelangelo suit.
There you have it, folks: The TMNT Christmas special nobody asked for. I feel like I just reviewed a full-length, 90-minute special, when in reality it only runs for 23 minutes, and that’s WITH the credits!
In conclusion, only watch this if you’re a DIE-HARD fan of the Turtles, but don’t expect it to have the charm of the original series or movies. The target audience here is YOUNG children, like around three or four years old. And they just focused on squeezing out as many songs and in as many different genres they could in a 23-minute runtime. Oh, and pizza. HUGE focus on pizza.
MY FINAL SCORE: 1/5
My one point goes to Wrap Rap. Seriously, good luck getting that song out of your head after watching this.
Join me Wednesday, December 13, for a look back at my first viewing of a Christmas movie that’s far from awful. We need to cleanse our palate after this one, am I right?
I feel like I need to set the stage a bit before diving into this review.
I’ve been a fan of Saturday Night Live since I was a young child, probably 8 or 9 years old, so around 1993-1994. My big sister Natacha would record the live broadcasts on Saturday night, and we would watch them on Sunday afternoon. Many jokes would go over my head, but I enjoyed the crew of comedians presented before me. This is where I discovered comedic legends such as Phil Hartman, Chris Farley, David Spade, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, and the list goes on. That cast is still the best cast in the show’s run in my eyes, not only because it’s the cast I remember from when I was a kid, but they were just SO good!
Now, as a fan of SNL, I’ve read many books and watched many documentaries / videos about the show. Of all the documentation I’ve consulted, one question would often be repeated: Who was the worst guest host in the show’s run? And the answer was always very consistent: Steven Seagal.
While promoting his film Out for Justice, Seagal hosted the 18th episode of the show’s 16th season, and I can tell you the stories here, or just leave you the links to check out for yourselves, but long story short: Cast and crew have told horror stories from the week Steven Seagal worked on the show. From not being a good sport and not being able to poke fun at himself to suggesting atrocious sketch ideas, Steven Seagal takes the cake as worst guest host in all of SNL’s history. Executive Producer Lorne Michaels has even removed the episode from rerun packages, which means that it hasn’t been televised since its live broadcast on April 20, 1991.
I had heard a lot about this episode over the years, and have seen clips of it in video reviews, but I just had to see the full, uncut episode for myself, and I knew there was a version of the episode floating around online, because the video quality of the clips was always consistent in every review I would watch. Obviously, the people making these reviews are all using the same source material.
I’m not too knowledgeable when it comes to downloading things, and I also have a massive fear of getting a computer virus. Luckily, I just happen to have a friend who’s a wizard when it comes to downloading content. I contacted him with the details of the episode I was looking for, and within minutes I had the infamous Steven Seagal episode of SNL waiting for me in my inbox. I couldn’t believe it! I was finally going to see the full episode featuring the worst guest-host of all-time!
Can it really be THAT bad? With a cast like that, it can’t be so bad, right? Well, I won’t jump ahead, so let’s get right into it…
PUMPING UP WITH HANS & FRANZ (COLD OPEN)
This was a very popular recurring sketch around this time. You’ve surely seen one or two pop up in SNL compilations over the years. Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon play Hans & Franz, two bodybuilders who happen to be the cousins of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they’ll never let you forget it. Their catchphrase was “We just want to pump… YOU UP!”.
As usual, Hans & Franz brag up their cousin, saying he has a big Summer blockbuster on the way. While it’s not mentioned, and judging by when the episode aired, I’m assuming they’re referring to Terminator 2: Judgment Day. They go on to say that this movie is going to blow all other action stars out of the water, and that none of them even compare to Arnold. Steven Seagal walks in behind them just as they happen to be making fun of him.
Hans: What about this guy, Steven Seagal?
Franz: Yeah, hear me now, but believe me later, Arnold could easily rip Steven Seagal’s skinny little arms off, and he could use them as dental floss.
They notice Seagal who tells them he doesn’t appreciate them making fun of him. He then challenges them to push their full body weight against his single pinky finger, to which of course they fail.
They come to the conclusion that Mr. Seagal is not a “girly man” after all. They briefly imagine themselves in full Seagal attire, ponytails and leather jackets, before snapping back into it and realizing they’d hate to use only their pinkies and put the rest of their muscles to waste.
This sketch starts out the show nicely and made me think to myself “Hey, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.”. Well, let’s keep watching, it’s still early in the show.
OPENING CREDITS
Whenever I review these old SNL episodes, I always like to take a minute and mention the opening credits, just to give my readers an idea of who the cast was around this time, and like I mentioned previously: This was, in my eyes, one of the best casts in the shows near-five-decade run. I mean, just look at these names…
Dana CarveyPhil HartmanJan HooksVictoria JacksonDennis MillerMike MyersKevin NealonChris Farley (Middle Player)Tim Meadows (Middle Player)Chris Rock (Middle Player)Julia Sweeney (Middle Player)Adam Sandler (Featured Player)Rob Schneider (Featured Player)David Spade (Featured Player)G.E. Smith and the Saturday Night Live BandMusical Guest: Michael BoltonHost: Steven Seagal
STEVEN SEAGAL MONOLOGUE
The problem with this episode is quickly starting to present itself. Seagal has a very arrogant energy that’s obvious from the start. He’s also very dependent of the cue cards, making him fumble his words on many occasions.
At the end of this monologue however we see a different side of Seagal, as he takes out a guitar and sings a version of Carl Douglas’ Kung Fu Fighting with four back-up singers, among whom are cast members Tim Meadows and Chris Rock.
This is actually a fun bit as it’s the only moment where Seagal actually seems to be enjoying himself or shows any kind of emotion. Yes folks, Seagal actually smiles and seems to be having fun as he sings and looks to his back-up singers.
If he would have remained this way for the entirety of the episode, we might have had a great one, but sadly that’s not how it went down…
WINSTON MCCAULEY FUNERAL HOME (COMMERCIAL PARODY)
I’ve always enjoyed SNL’s commercial parodies, as they’re usually clever and funny. This one is neither of those things. This is in just plain bad taste.
Phil Hartman (wearing a white wig and looking like a mix of Henry Gibson and Timothy Leary) is playing a spokesman for Winston McCauley Funeral Home. Within seconds of the sketch beginning, he says this:
“Care. Compassion. Dedication. These are the things we can promise you at Winston McCauley Funeral Home. And there’s one more thing we can promise: That we will never have sex with any dead body.”
We even get a shot of Mike Myers as a funeral home employee who gets on top of a corpse and begins to undo his pants before being escorted out by security.
This sketch just caught me off guard, as that kind of humor seems so dark for that time. I would expect it from an episode in recent years, sure, but not from an episode from 1991!
However, I have to give props to Phil Hartman for being able to deliver such dialogue as if it was the most normal thing.
Since writing this review, I’ve discovered that this commercial parody is actually a “repeat”, and had originally appeared in the episode “George Steinbrenner / Morris Day & The Time” (S16E03), on October 20, 1990.
TENELLI: ONE MAN ARMY
This sketch starts out as a solid spoof of your typical Steven Seagal action movie. Seagal plays Nico Tenelli, a spoof of “Nico Toscani”, the character he played in 1988’s Above the Law (known under the title “Nico” in other countries).
The sketch starts out in a police office where Nico is getting yelled at by his captain (played brilliantly here by Phil Hartman) for basically breaking all the rules of the force. Seriously, Hartman’s performance is so convincing that I would have loved to see him play this part in an actual action movie.
Then we switch to Seagal. Remember when I said that he was very dependent of the cue cards and kept fumbling his words. We get our first glimpse of that here. He’s getting the words out, sure, but he forgets an important thing called “sentence structure”. As an example, one sentence goes as follows:
“I caught these guys with three kilos of cocaine. What do you think they were doing with ‘em? Making chalk for girls softball games?”
Except he reads it out as:
“I caught these guys with three kilos of cocaine what do you think they were doing with ‘em making chalk for girls… Softball games?”
Absolutely no punctuation.
As the sketch progresses, Captain Hartman takes Nico’s badge and gun, and sends him to do office work. On his way to his office, Nico shoves a hilarious Chris Farley, who makes fun of him for having to do office work. This will be another recurring theme of the episode: Seagal kicking the asses of everyone he comes across.
Once in his office, Seagal joins recuring character Richard the copy guy (Rob Schneider). In this series of sketches, Schneider always just sits there and annoyingly repeats the names of his colleagues who walk in to use the photocopier, coming up with different variations of their name. Only this time, Seagal is having none of it.
After Richard does his shtick, Nico brings him to the copier and smashes him against it. He then hangs him out the window by his feet.
That’s it. That’s the sketch. From this point on, we the audience are thinking “Okay, so this is no different than watching a Seagal flick. So, there won’t be any humor? We’re just gonna be watching him beat up the SNL cast for the next 90 minutes? Okay…”.
At least Schneider does his best here, but Seagal isn’t giving any of his co-stars anything to work with. He’s playing every character as straight as he does in his movies. The story goes that Seagal takes himself so seriously that he wouldn’t even dare poke fun at himself. The result is a very awkward episode of SNL…
ALL-STAR CELEBRITY TRIBUTE TO REGINALD LEE ADDAMS
After the Winston McCauley Funeral Home commercial parody, this is the second skit to not feature Steven Seagal.
Prior to seeing this sketch, I had very little knowledge of the Gulf War, mainly because I was five years old as it was going on. However, this sketch inspired me to do some research on it, and now I have more of an understanding of what went on.
The Gulf War had officially ended on February 28, 1991, so this sketch is a parody of an NBC Special Presentation where they are welcoming home American soldiers one at a time. In this particular special, hosts Tom Selleck (Kevin Nealon) and Barbara Mandrell (Jan Hooks) welcome Private First Class Reginald Lee Addams (Tim Meadows). The joke here is that each soldier gets their own special, as Selleck tells Mandrell: “But hang in there, because after this show, we’ll be 2/5 of the way through the A’s.“.
The special begins with the hosts airing a “personal” message for Private Addams from President George H. W. Bush (Dana Carvey). It’s quickly revealed that this was a pre-recorded message shown to all soldiers, but when the President has to say the soldier’s name, it cuts to a separately recorded clip of him saying “Private Reginald Addams”, in the most monotonous manner possible. It’s a pretty good gag, I gotta say.
Legendary actor Charlton Heston (Phil Hartman) is then invited to read a letter that Private Addams wrote to his best friend while stationed in the Gulf. The letter quickly gets into Private Addams’ loneliness, and… How should I put this? Masturbatory habits. After Heston finishes the letter, Private Addams, with a shocked look on his face asks who picked that letter, to which it’s revealed that Mr. Heston had picked it out himself.
The sketch is starting to feel a bit long already (we’re at the five-minute mark), but it’s far from over. The hosts then invite Kuwati Prince Falheed Al-Sabah (Rob Schneider) and his four wives to the stage, as he has a ‘gift” for Private Addams:
“In recognition of your efforts, a concrete step in the fresh water jacuzzi in my newly constructed Winter palace will bear you name.”
Finally, Tony Orlando (Mike Myers) and the Yellow Ribbon Dancers take the stage to sing a personalized rendition of Tie a Yellow Ribbon for Private Addams, and it appears as though they just pulled his information from his medical records…
I’m Private Addams and I’m back I’m 24, five foot nine, and I’m black I’ve got 20/30 vision, and my blood type is AB I can’t wait to see my old friends at 320 East Boulevard… In East Saint-Louis!
When I watched this for the first time, I didn’t really find it all that funny, and thought it ran for WAY too long (roughly 7:30 minutes), but since watching it a few more times for this review, and having more of an understanding of the Gulf War, I can appreciate it more, and see the humor in it.
I’ve read that this sketch actually ran longer when they did it for the dress rehearsal, and it featured Chris Farley imitating stand-up comedian Louis Anderson. Farley’s impression got cut out for time, and never made it into the live broadcast of the show. I would love to see this version of the sketch, but I doubt it’ll ever see the light of day.
THE DARK SIDE WITH NAT X
In this recurring sketch, Chris Rock plays Nat X, host of a late-night talk show on the B.E.T. (“Black Entertainment Television”) network. For the duration of his show, Nat complains that “The Man” is bringing him down. That’s the sketch, and it’s actually pretty funny due to Rock’s stone-face performance.
The sketch begins with Chris Farley in a clown costume reading the “viewer mail” to Nat. It’s just fun watching Chris Rock trying not to break character while looking at Chris Farley in full clown attire.
As the sketch progresses, Nat welcomes controversial stand-up comedian Andrew “Dice” Clay (Steven Seagal) to his show. I must say, this is the one time in the episode where Seagal is not just playing himself, and is actually making an effort to play a character. He’s doing his best to do Dice’s Brooklyn accent here. Sure, it’s not that great, but at least he’s trying.
Nat gives Dice a hard time for his movie The Adventures of Ford Fairlane not performing well at the box-office. While holding up a VHS copy of the film, Nat says:
“Well I’m not saying it was a bomb, but last week the Klu Klux Klan tried to tie one of these under my car!”
When Dice finally says that he won’t be making movies for a while, Nat asks him: “Are you gonna go see a movie?”
This is where Dice should have said a hilarious comeback. The line should have been:
“Hey, I ain’t seen you in any movies. And what’s with the afro anyway? You look like Linc from the Mod Squad!”.
But instead, Seagal once again forgets a little something called “sentence structure” and reads it as:
“Hey, I ain’t see you any movies and what’s with the afro anyway you look like Linc from the Mod Squad!”.
This completely destroys the punchline, and what could have been a funny moment simply wasn’t. Delivery is everything, folks! Shortly after, Nat wraps up the show, but not before letting out this last quip:
“Hey Dice, maybe you’ll be in ‘Grease Part 3’.”.
This is definitely not the worst sketch in the episode. I’d even go as far as labeling it one of the best, mainly because Seagal is actually not taking himself so seriously for once. Now if only he could structure sentences…
DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY (PART ONE)
Anyone who remembers these sketches know that they’re short and straight to the point. Usually lasting 15 to 20 seconds, this is just a quote deriving from Jack Handy’s observational sense of humor, read softly (I believe by Phil Hartman) while soothing music plays in the background, accompanied with beautiful scenery.
I could just post the quote here, word-for-word, but I’m going to give my readers the mission to try and track down this episode, that way the Deep Thought won’t be spoiled for you here, and you can laugh just as I did when I heard it.
MICHAEL BOLTON PERFORMS “LOVE IS A WONDERFUL THING”
I’m going to cut straight to the chase here and admit that I am not a fan of Michael Bolton’s music, therefore I fast-forwarded through both of his musical performances.
That having been said, while I don’t necessarily enjoy his music, I have much respect for Mr. Bolton as an entertainer, and I can confirm with you all that he has a much better sense of humor than Steven Seagal, which will be revealed later in this very episode.
WEEKEND UPDATE WITH DENNIS MILLER
There’s no better time to admit it than right now: I never cared much for Weekend Update when watching old episodes of SNL. It’s not the anchors or the writing, I think it’s just the news format. See, all through my youth, my dad forced us to watch the 6 o’clock news as we ate dinner, so I guess I developed this (for lack of a better word) hatred for anything news-like.
I know, you’re probably thinking “Well Jex, it’s not like real news. It’s all jokes and stuff.”, and I think that’s the other thing: When watching these old Updates, the jokes are so dated that you most likely won’t understand them if you weren’t following current events at the time.
However, I do like Dennis Miller as anchor, because he had that smooth-talkin’ attitude. Another highlight in this edition of Update is the correspondents he brings on.
Firstly, Kevin Nealon plays his recurring character, Mr. Subliminal, where he subtly slips his real thoughts in between words. In this case, he gives us a review of Nancy Reagon’s Unauthorized Biography by Kitty Kelley.
“Let’s face it: I don’t know how much of this book is true [100%], but if any, it’s good that we can get this information out of the closet [Merv Griffin]. I have to be honest with you though, I don’t know anyone else who would purposely go out and try to hurt someone [L.A.P.D.], and instead of hounding this very respectable couple [senile], that are no longer in public office [thank God], I think people like Kitty Kelley would do well to focus our attention on America’s real problems [Kennedys]. Now, let me tell you something: As for me [heterosexual], I will never, ever, recommend this book [see the movie]. Thank you, Dennis.”
Miller then brings out the SNL travel correspondent, a fresh-faced Adam Sandler, who recaps his recent trip to Greece. Sandler does what he typically does, which is ramble on and on without actually getting to any sort of point. It is fun to see him in his early days of SNL though, and while I know he’s supposed to be nervous in this sketch, he actuallty does look legitimately nervous (his hand movements are a big giveaway of this). You can’t fake that.
So to summarize this edition of Weekend Update: watch it for Mr. Subliminal and Adam Sandler, and skip the rest.
MUSICIANS FOR FREE RANGE CHICKENS
This sketch begins with Dana Carvey doing a spot-on impression of Casey Kasem, who tells a story about TV & radio personality Rick Dees and singer Lenny Kravitz going to an L.A. Bistro together to get a Ceasar salad. The chef told them that he can’t make a Ceasar salad because the eggs that are so vital to making the dressing do not come from free-range chickens. This event is what paved the way to this We Are the World type of song.
Remember when I gave Michael Bolton credit for having a sense of humor, and not taking himself too seriously? This is where that comes into play, as he joins the cast to sing about free-range chickens.
I don’t really have anything more to add here expect that this is a fun skit, and the impressions are all excellent.
Michael Bolton & Lenny Kravitz (Tim Meadows)Kenny Rogers (Phil Hartman) & Diana Ross (Jan Hooks)Wilson Phillips (Chris Farley and Two Uncredited Extras)Mick Jagger (Mike Myers)Lenny Kravitz (Tim Meadows) & Axl Rose (Adam Sandler)Cindy Lauper (Victoria Jackson)Tom Petty (David Spade) & Bob Dylan (Dana Carvey)
DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY (PART TWO)
See paragraph for “Part One”.
JENNIFER’S DATE (A.K.A. “DADDY’S GIRL”)
This sketch had potential from the get-go. We have the living-room setting (which I associate to comedic gold, mostly because of the Matt Foley sketches), and we have Jan Hooks welcoming Chris Farley at the front door. Side note here: I find it so sad that both of these people are no longer with us.
Farley plays Doug, who is there to pick up Jennifer, who is off-camera getting ready for their date. Jennifer’s mother (Hooks) invites Doug to wait in the living room while Jennifer’s father (Seagal) keeps him company. As soon as Seagal walks into frame, all life is sucked out of this sketch. Once again, he’s playing the character as if he was in one of his serious movies, which totally ruins any kind of comedic rapport with his co-stars.
Seagal plays the over-protective father, and is asking all of the usual questions to Doug: “You have any plans?” and “In the middle of the night, I won’t get a phone call that your car broke down and that’s why you were late, or anything like that, will I?“.
This is so hard to watch, as the usually hilarious Farley is just unable to get any laughs due to Seagal’s lifeless delivery of his lines. Speaking of no laughs, that’s another thing that makes this sketch feel so awkward: the audience is not laughing, probably because they don’t know what to make of it. It’s supposed to be funny, but Seagal is being Mr. Serious Action Movie Guy!
Luckily, Rob Schneider enters the scene as Jennifer’s brother, Randy, and shows interest in Doug’s car outside. Seagal sends him out to go admire the car. Moments later, Randy comes back in and reports everything to Daddy Seagal. This was their plan all along.
“The left rear tire is a little warn, but he’s got a spare and the jack works. The oil’s okay, the pan is scuffed, but not leaking. The tie rods need new breaks.“
Once Schneider leaves the scene, the never-ending back-and-forth between Seagal and Farley continues, and Seagal opens his shirt to reveal a tattoo of an eagle on his chest. He goes on to say that he got it overseas when he was a paid assassin. Again, all of this is said in all seriousness as if he were in one of his movies. No humor to be found whatsoever.
Eventually, after what seems like FOREVER, Jennifer (Victoria Jackson) comes out, and this part was so cringe-worthy. Why? Because of the way Seagal looks and touches her. It’s not the way a father should look at a daughter, that’s all I’m going to say.
The sketch finally ends as Farley and Jackson head out on their date, and of course as the applause begins, Seagal gives Jackson a kiss on the cheek, and you can sense her discomfort with all of this. There are stories floating around about an inappropriate sketch idea that Seagal proposed during the week leading up to the show, revolving around Jackson. That all makes this even harder to watch.
This is probably the worst sketch here, but luckily we have two shining stars: Rob Schneider and Jan Hooks, the only performers that get a laugh during this endless sketch, but sadly even they can’t save it.
I’ve discovered that this sketch was originally done with actor Dennis Hopper playing the father character, during the dress rehearsal of the episode he hosted, five months earlier. The sketch was cut for time and didn’t make it to the live broadcast of the show. I’d love to see this version, as I’m positive it’s nowhere near as awkward as what we got here.
You can actually watch this one for yourselves, as it’s the only sketch from this infamous episode that’s available on SNL’s official YouTube Channel. Let me know if you find it as uncomfortable as I do…
MICHAEL BOLTON PERFORMS “TIME, LOVE AND TENDERNESS”
More of the same as performance #1, but with a different outfit.
BRACE STEELE: GREENPEACE PHOTOGRAPHER
I gotta say that I found this sketch a bit hard to follow, and that’s because it starts so abruptly on the copy I have. It feels as though the person who recorded this was cutting out the commercials, and when the show started again, they forgot to resume the recording for a minute or so. I tried to find the full sketch online, but with no luck.
It starts with a shot of Seagal wearing a denim shirt in front of a green screen that appears to represent a beach.
The narration says: “From that moment on, Brace Stone dedicates his life to fighting crimes against the environment. Under the tutelage of master photographer Yoshi Akiro, he is initiated into the mysteries of zen nature photography.”
We then find Brace and Yoshi (Mike Myers) in a dark room, where Yoshi educates Brace about the ecological crimes of major corporations.
Still not making much sense to me, the narration then says: “From that moment on, Brace Stone ceases to exist. He becomes Brace Steele, Greenpeace Photographer, using his camera to document crimes against the environment.”
It cuts to Seagal hiding in the closet of an Exxon boardroom, where a meeting is taking place and Phil Hartman is talking about the big oil spill of 1992 that they’re planning. As the meeting progresses, it’s revealed via a phone call that President Bush (Dana Carvey) is in on it as well.
Our “hero”, Brace Steele, jumps in and after a long confrontation, kicks everybody’s asses. We’re talking throwing people through doors and breakable furniture. Makes sense as to why half of the meeting attendees didn’t look familiar: They weren’t part of the cast, but rather were hired stunt men for Seagal to throw around.
The skit ends with Seagal looking straight into the camera and shouting: “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU POLLUTE THE PLANET!”.
Cue the Howard the Duck font displaying the words “The End”.
I can’t remember ever seeing an episode of SNL that ends with a public service announcement, but here we are. Very, very strange, because we the audience are expecting a punchline, and there isn’t one. It’s just Seagal basically telling you that you’re gonna get beat up if you pollute. Hey, I’m all for being environmentally-friendly and all of that, but this just seems SO out of place.
GOODNIGHTS / END CREDITS
After what felt like a five-hour show, Steven Seagal signs us off with Michael Bolton by his side, and as soon as the credits start to roll, Seagal vanishes to the back, completely separated from the rest of the cast. Heck, at least Michael Bolton is all smiles and seems to be getting along with everyone. And that concludes the episode featuring “The Worst Host in The History of SNL”.
Look, full disclosure: I actually enjoy *some* of Steven Seagal’s earlier films (WAY before he became a straight-to-video embarrassment), so I do find it kind of cool seeing him do his thing and beat people up. However, this is Saturday Night Live, and you watch it to have a laugh and forget about your everyday worries. If I want to see Steven Seagal beat people up, I’ll pop in Hard to Kill or Marked for Death. This would have been a great opportunity for Seagal to show a different side of himself and make people laugh, but instead he showed the world that he has ZERO sense of humor and he refuses to poke fun at himself.
During his monologue, he stated: “It’s important for me to let you know that there’s a lot more to Steven Seagal than the martial arts.”. Well, he sure failed at proving that.
However, all that having been said, I gotta say that I don’t think Seagal was the only problem, as even the sketches he doesn’t appear in aren’t necessarily comedic gold. “All Star Celebrity Tribute” and “Musicians for Free Range Chickens” were okay, but I didn’t find them hilarious.
Would I recommend this episode to people? I would recommend it to die-hard SNL fans like myself for sure, because it definitely needs to be seen to be believed.
I highly encourage you all to check out these various interviews from cast and crew members, just so you can get the general idea of how difficult Seagal was to work with during his week at SNL…
Greetings, everyone! The review I have in store for you today is of a movie that’s rather difficult to find. So difficult, in fact, that I don’t even own an official copy of it. The copy I have is a recording of an airing on the Bravo! Canada network that I taped one afternoon in the Summer of 2004.
The film hasn’t even had a DVD or Blu-Ray release due to some copyright issues. A DVD was announced in 2002 in accordance with the 90th anniversary of Paramount Pictures, but was cancelled at the last minute. The DVD artwork had even been revealed:
There you have it, the movie in question is called It Came from Hollywood, released in 1982 and directed by Malcolm Leo and Andrew Solt.
The film is often referred to as a documentary, but I don’t find this accurate, because documentaries usually consist of interviews and dates and facts, while this is more of an appreciation for B-Movies. It’s a compilation of film sequences that range from the 1920s to the 1970s, accompanied by great humorous commentaries, so you can say that this was a precursor to Mystery Science Theater 3000 in a way. The film is divided into themed segments that all begin with sketches in the tradition of Saturday Night Live, and this is all made possible by five popular comedians of the time: Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Cheech & Chong, and Gilda Radner.
The film is separated in 12 sections, so let’s take a look:
Gilda Radner Presents… GORILLAS
In this first segment, we join Gilda Radner in a living room where she hears a radio report saying that a Gorilla has escaped from the zoo and is now on the loose. The more the report progresses, the more she panics and we’re graced with her wonderful physical comedy that she displayed on Saturday Night Live.
After the sketch, Radner shares with us clips from movies of the Gorilla and / or Ape category. Movies that thrive to achieve the success of the original King Kong (1933), but fail miserably.
The White Gorilla (1945)Robot Monster (1953)The Thing with Two Heads (1972)Ape (1976)
Highlights for me in this segment are from the films Robot Monster (1953), where Radner jokes “They couldn’t afford a whole space suit, so the monster ended up to be a gorilla with a porthole on his head”, and Ape (1976), that features a King-Kong-like ape holding a woman in his hand, getting shot at by helicopters, swinging and hitting each one (great miniature work, here!), and ends with the ape flipping the middle finger… Prime entertainment, I tell you!
Dan Aykroyd Presents… ALIENS
Dan Aykroyd plays Colonel Dan Diamond, who shows up on a motorcycle in a post-apocalyptic world. He then provides a narration, saying the following:
“16 October, 2023. Colonel Dan Diamond, one of the handful of men to survive the hideous destruction of Earth by Alien forms. His goal? To record the grim details of the invasion for future civilizations.”
While I had this review written in August, hearing him say this date just clarified that I was going to be publishing it on this very date!
After recording his message, Colonel Diamond hosts a series of clips from the (mostly) black and white era of all things Martian and alien related.
Prince of Space (1959)Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961)Mars Needs Women (1968)Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster (1965)
Now, there is something I was going to save for later in this review, but I might as well say it now since it comes into play in this segment: If I had to make ONE complaint about this film, it would be that the titles of the movies are rarely mentioned, so if you’re wondering what movie a certain clip comes from, it can be difficult to figure out. Sure, all of the movies are listed in alphabetical order in the end credits, which is nice, but at that point you find yourself playing the guessing game if you’re looking for a specific movie. IMDb has been extremely helpful in identifying which film is which, so I can’t imagine having seen this film in the pre-internet era! If I had to make one change to It Came from Hollywood, I would add the movie title to each clip at the bottom of the screen.
I was able to identify only two films in this segment: Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster (1965), because I recognized actor Lou Cutell from an episode of Seinfeld (he’s the ASS MAN!), and Mars Needs Women (1968), but only because they say the title out loud.
Cheech and Chong Present… GIANTS (AND TINY PEOPLE)
Next up, Cheech and Chong present Giants… And Tiny People, which opens with the duo at the lobby of a movie theater, where Chong is getting an endless supply of snacks.
Tired of waiting, Cheech tells him he’s gonna go catch the beginning of The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)…
“This is the best part, man. The Incredible Shrinking Man’s down real little, he’s being chased by this cat. He’s gonna eat him, man. This is screen history, man: First time a guy’s been eaten by a pussy, man.” -Cheech Marin
The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)…
Glenn Manning: “I just don’t want to grow anymore. I DON’T WANT TO GROW ANYMORE!” Chong: “Except maybe some hair!”
And finally, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)…
“One hand-job coming up.” -Tommy Chong
I really enjoy this segment, as I’ve always loved the film concept of people shrinking and / or growing beyond their control. These are films I would gladly add to my personal DVD / Blu-Ray collection, but sadly they don’t surface very often out in the wild.
John Candy Presents… A SALUTE TO EDWARD D. WOOD, JR.
In A Salute to Edward D. Wood Jr., John Candy offers a nice retrospective to Ed Wood, sharing trivia while he pokes fun at his films Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957), and Glen or Glenda (1953).
“I’d like to present a salute to Ed Wood, a true master of the B-movie… Well, D-movies. You judge for yourself.” -John Candy
What I like most about this segment is that John Candy provides a voice-over that actually educates the audience on the films of Ed Wood, rather than just saying one-liners like in the previous segments. Mind you, he does poke fun too, but point being that this segment actually taught me a lot about Ed Wood before I really knew who he was.
“Amazing. You can hardly see that string.” – John Candy
One thing I learned about Plan 9 from Outer Space is that actor Bela Lugosi (yes, Dracula himself) died two days into filming. Ed Wood hired his wife’s chiropractor to replace Lugosi, even though he was much taller. The solution? To keep his face hidden by a cape the whole time. Brilliant!
Prior to 2004, I had never heard of Glen or Glenda, but the idea of having Ed Wood play a man (Glen) who likes to dress as a woman (Glenda), and has to choose who he really wants to be while worried that he’ll lose his true love Barbara (Dolores Fuller)… Well, it definitely sparks some curiosity.
John Candy and Dan Aykroyd actually end this segment by paying a nice homage to Glen or Glenda.
My Ed Wood VHS box-set that I purchased in January of 2013, which comes in a fuzzy box designed to represent Barbara’s angora sweater from Glen or Glenda.
Gilda Radner Presents… MUSICAL MEMORIES
In Musical Memories, Gilda Radner presents absolutely questionable musical performances in movies, which all seem to get worse as the segment progresses. However, I must say that I enjoy the musical performance by the Belew Twins from the film Rock Baby – Rock It (1957). Talk about catchy!
Matango (a.k.a. “Attack of the Mushroom People”) (1963)The Hideous Sun Demon (1958)Rock Baby – Rock It (1957)Wonder Bar (1934)
A notable clip in this segment comes from the 1934 film Wonder Bar, which features Al Jolson and a full chorus (including children) wearing blackface. This scene has been omitted from the NBC airings of the film for its offensive nature.
PREVUES OF COMING ATTRACTIONS
John Candy, as the manager of a movie theater, shares trailers of films that need to be seen to be believed!
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964)The Hypnotic Eye (1960)House on Haunted Hill (1959)I Married a Monster from Outer Space (1958)The Space Children (1958)Black Belt Jones (1974)Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978)
This is one of my favorite segments, as it not only tells you the titles of the films shown, but also builds up the viewer’s curiosity perfectly! Since my first viewing in 2004, I have been on the lookout for a DVD copy of Black Belt Jones (1974), but with no luck. Thankfully, I was able to find this great Collector’s Edition DVD set of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978) in 2009!
Dan Aykroyd Presents… TROUBLED TEENAGERS
Dan Aykroyd plays a detective roaming the halls of a high school, and is doing a Sylvester Stallone type voice, for some reason.
The topic here is teenage angst / rebellion in movies… The films discussed here are not quite John Hughes territory, if you know what I mean.
High School Confidential! (1958)High School Confidential! (1958)The Party Crashers (1958)
This segment doesn’t do much for me personally, as I find the clips shown to be rather lame (for my liking). However, one title that has my attention here is High School Hellcats (1958), which features three female characters, each one with her own attitude / trait…
Cheech and Chong Present… THE ANIMAL KINGDOM GOES BERSERK
Giant lizards, birds, spiders, and grasshoppers! I can guarantee that my Godzilla-loving friend Alex Branch (co-creator of CineBrosSupreme) is going to LOVE this segment!
The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)The Giant Claw (1957)The Giant Claw (1957)Missile to the Moon (1958)The Deadly Mantis (1957)
One film mentioned in this segment that I’m absolutely curious about is Beginning of the End (1957), which features a bunch of gigantic grasshoppers terrorizing a city, and even climbing a building! Once again, not an easy title to find out in the wild!
And of course, this segment wouldn’t be complete without the inclusion of Godzilla and a Godzilla rip-off…
The X from Outer Space (1967)Son of Godzilla (1967)
John Candy Presents… TECHNICAL TRIUMPHS
In this segment, John Candy looks at how certain movies were made on very low budgets, which affected things like make-up and wardrobe. He defends these films by saying “Just because you can’t afford the best doesn’t mean it’s bad filmmaking.”
Missile to the Moon (1958)Missile to the Moon (1958)Bride of the Monster (1955)Bride of the Monster (1955)
This segment is similar to Candy’s Ed Wood segment, and even features clips from Wood’s 1955 film Bride of the Monster.
Once again, you can sense John Candy’s appreciation for these films through his commentary, as it’s in less of a mocking nature in comparison to the ones by the other comedians featured.
Dan Aykroyd Presents… THE BRAIN
Here, Dan Aykroyd plays a mad scientist with an affinity for, you guessed it: The human brain.
He presents clips that not only revolve around the brain, but also the human head in general…
Fiend Without a Face (1958)The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962)
A big highlight in this segment is the inclusion of clips from the 1972 comedy The Thing with Two Heads, where doctors are forced to transplant the head of a racist surgeon (Ray Milland) onto the body of a black death row inmate (Rosey Grier).
“This picture started the black street fad of wearing middle-aged white men.” -Dan Aykroyd
I have been wanting to find a copy of this film ever since first seeing these clips in 2004, and I haven’t come across a copy yet. The film, however, is currently available to watch on YouTube, so at least there are ways to watch it…
Cheech and Chong Present… GETTING HIGH IN THE MOVIES
You didn’t actually think that a film featuring Cheech & Chong wouldn’t feature any reference to getting high, did you?
Here, the duo smokes up in a movie theater while commenting on several marijuana (and even LSD) propaganda films from the black and white era. It’s just what you’d expect.
Marihuana (1936)Marihuana (1936)Reefer Madness (1936)Reefer Madness (1936)Reefer Madness (1936)Reefer Madness (1936)High School Confidential! (1958)High School Confidential! (1958)The Weird World of LSD (1967)
Gilda Radner Presents… MONSTERS
Gilda Radner reprises her character of Judy Miller from Saturday Night Live to introduce clips from the SCARIEST of monster movies from yesteryear.
Much like the Animal Kingdom Goes Berserk segment, I really enjoy this one as I love old monster movies.
The Blob (1958)The Fly (1958)The Fly (1958)The Fly (1958)The Killer Shrews (1959)Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)Curse of the Faceless Man (1958)Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974)
While many films have low budgets which are evident from poor practical effects, many films showcased here are actually quality films hailed as classics today, such as The Blob (1958), The Fly (1958), and Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954).
IN CONCLUSION
It Came from Hollywood is a film lover’s movie. Watching it at 19 years old, I saw it as a reference guide to the kind of old films I wanted to see. If you’re into high budget award winners, then this is not for you. If you’re into cult classics, or “so good it’s bad” type films, like me, then this is definitely the film for you.
The film was written by Dana Olsen, who would go on to write The ‘Burbs, one of my favorite horror-comedy films by one of my favorite directors, Joe Dante. However, in the case of It Came from Hollywood, I find many of the jokes to be poorly written, and they kind of fall flat. They feel very forced. Luckily, many of the film clips manage to entertain without the aid of comical voiceover tracks. Aykroyd and Candy seem to have the best jokes in the movie, and their deliveries are just perfect.
Before concluding, I really should give credit where credit is due: The directors. Malcolm Leo and Andrew Solt have collaborated on several documentary projects together, many of them rock ‘n’ roll related, such as Heroes of Rock and Roll (1979) and This is Elvis (1981), but what’s really worth mentioning is the made-for-TV documentary they made called E.T. and Friends: Magical Movie Visitors which aired on CBS on December 14th 1982, less than two months after the release of It Came from Hollywood and follows roughly the same format, but this time focusing strictly on the Science-Fiction genre. Oh, and did I mention it was hosted by Mork from Ork himself, Robin Williams?
Now for those of you interested in watching It Came from Hollywood, as I’m writing this the movie is available in its entirety from several users on YouTube. The best quality version, as far as I can tell, comes from user F. Scott Fitzhemingway. However, be advised that if you’re reading this review one year or two years down the line, it may no longer be available. In the meantime, Enjoy!
So far, I’ve only written reviews of titles in my own personal collection, but after hearing about this film in a movie collector’s group I’m part of on Facebook, I knew that it needed to be seen to be believed. Luckily, the whole movie was available on YouTube in its entirety, so I was able to watch it and review it for you fine folks.
Before getting into the actual review at hand, I have a question: Do you remember a film from 1985 titled Just One of the Guys? The movie centers around high school student and aspiring journalist Terry Griffith (Joyce Hyser) who, after feeling that female journalists are discriminated against, poses as a male student to see if she’ll be treated differently as a “he”. The topic is well-approached, and the film is highly enjoyable with fun performances from Joyce Hyser, Billy Jacoby, and even Mr. Cobra Kai himself: William Zabka.
The following year, we got a similar film titled Willy/Milly (or Something Special in some markets). This time around, 14-year-old Milly Niceman (Pamela Segall) can’t help but think that boys have it so easy, and she would just love to see what it’s like to be one.
Milly breaks her filtered binoculars one night and can’t look at the solar eclipse, so she seeks help from her neighbor and hoarder, Malcolm (played by a young Seth Green). For a bargain price of $2.50, he sells her binoculars, filters, and even throws in a powder that brings your deepest desires to life if you spread it in a circle and lay inside it during the eclipse. Kind of a random item for him to throw in, but the plot just wouldn’t move forward if he didn’t.
Milly does exactly that and enjoys the solar eclipse with her best friend Stephanie (Mary Tanner).
We find out what her deepest desire is when she wakes up the next morning and has a… How should I say this? She wakes up with an extra appendage down there. Milly wanted to know what it’s like being a boy, well she’s about to find out.
Her parents (Patty Duke and John Glover) take her to see specialists, who come to the conclusion that Milly was born with both reproductive organs and that she can now choose whether she wants to be a girl, or a boy. This is where all realism goes out the window, while all three characters accept this information as if it makes sense. Yes, I’m aware that this does happen in real life, BUT if Milly was, in fact, born with both organs, wouldn’t her parents know about it, from changing / bathing her in her childhood??? Alas, that’s the best the writers could come up with.
Milly decides to satisfy her curiosity, and finally see what’s it like to be a boy. Yes, from this point on, Milly becomes WILLY. By having her wish granted, her father also got one of his wishes granted, as he was begging Mrs. Niceman for another baby in an earlier scene, so that he can finally have a boy.
Apparently, to Mr. Niceman (played brilliantly by John Glover, might I add), having a son means training him how to box and swear in a home-made gym built in the basement. This scene is actually quite entertaining as Willy clumsily tries to incorporate curse words in everyday sentences, followed by another great scene of best friend Stephanie teaching Willy the key curse words.
At school, Willy befriends Alfie (Eric Gurry), a boy in a wheelchair who’s currently in therapy to not be in a wheelchair. Alfie has two pals who are basically Anthony Michael Hall’s buddies in Sixteen Candles.
The four boys get bullied by Harry (Jeb Ellis-Brown), who looks like he’s ready to break out into a Journey song at any given second.
This is something that Willy didn’t have to worry about as Milly, and they’re quickly discovering the downfall of being a boy. In addition to all of this, Harry’s sister Cynthia (Taryn Grimes) falls madly in love with Willy, another thing Milly didn’t have to worry about.
In a side plot, best friend Stephanie is starting to have feelings for Willy, her girl-turned-boy best friend. Willy is not interested, because it would just be weird, considering they have a 14-year history of being best friends as girls. Willy is also preoccupied with his new group of guy friends, so much so that Stephanie is starting to feel left out and abandoned.
Speaking of Willy’s crew of guy friends, Alfie is starting to experience feelings for Willie, making him question his sexuality. That’s another element that makes this film a bit different from Just One of the Guys, as in that film, Terry befriends Rick (Clayton Rohner), and she (as a boy) develops feelings for him, but he doesn’t have any in return, until he finds out Terry is actually a girl.
Alfie gets more and more distant, and Willy just realizes he’s losing all of his friends, and has to make a decision. I’ll leave it at that and not spoil the ending in case any of you care to see it, but I’m pretty sure you can figure out how it ends.
Overall, Willy/Milly was an enjoyable little flick. I thought the performances were fun and some jokes actually made me laugh out loud. A little strange at times, and while I do prefer Just One of the Guys, I do appreciate that this film dared to go where Just One of the Guys didn’t. Check it out if you have nothing better to do on a rainy afternoon.
Additional trivia: This wouldn’t be the last time that Pamela Segall (often credited as Pamela Adlon) would portray a boy, as she would be the voice of Bobby Hill on the hit Fox TV show King of the Hill, from 1997 to 2010.
My score: 2.5 / 5
Willy/Milly (a.k.a. Something Special)
Directed by Paul Schneider
Written by Alan Friedman, Walter Carbone and Carla Reuben
Starring Pamela Segall, Patty Duke, Eric Gurry, Mary Tanner, John Glover and Seth Green.
My introduction to Flash Gordon goes back to the Fall of 2005. November, I believe it was. At this point in time, I worked at a gas station, and to kill time when it was slow, I would browse through the magazine rack. I would go through the TV Guide week after week and look for any airings of 80s movies for me to tape. My VCR was still very active in 2005, and I would constantly tape movies off of TV and cut out all of the commercials.
On this particular week, I saw that Boston-based network UPN 38 (a.k.a. “WSBK”) was airing a 1980 film called Flash Gordon that upcoming Saturday afternoon. I was familiar with the character and the name Flash Gordon, I was even familiar with FLESH Gordon at this point, but I had never heard of this adaptation from 1980.
So, that night after work, I went online to find a trailer of it to watch. Keep in mind, in 2005 YouTube hadn’t completely taken off yet, so I relied on IMDb to find these old movie trailers.
I was immediately hypnotised by the visuals I was seeing: Conflict, lasers, explosions, a villain with crazy eyebrows, hawk-like men flying in a brightly colored sky, and of course, Flash Gordon cruising through space on this flying scooter-looking thing. All of this accompanied by a song that went like so: “FLASH!! AHH-AHH!”. Then, after showing the title and credits, the trailer ends with a title card that reads these three words: Music by QUEEN.
That was it. I was instantly sold. I knew I’d be taping this movie. So, that Saturday afternoon, I sat in front of the TV in my parents’ basement, recordable VHS tape loaded in the VCR, remote control in hand, and I experienced Flash Gordon for the very first time.
What an odd assortment of films. “Fathers’ Day” (1997) is a fun little comedy that’s watchable mainly because of the great chemistry between Robin Williams and Billy Crystal. “Hot Dog… The Movie” (1984) is a raunchy comedy set to ski slopes. The lovely Shannon Tweed co-stars, but since this is a TV edit of the film, her assets are nowhere to be seen in this version. Finally, the MAIN event of this videocassette: “Flash Gordon” (1980). On a side note, why did I think it was a good idea to write in cursive? I’ll never know…
Now, one thing I should note is that this specific airing was cut down to fit a two-hour time slot. I had cut out the commercials, and the final runtime was around 90 minutes. The actual runtime of Flash Gordon is 110 minutes, which means this version I saw for the first time, and that I now had on tape, was missing approximately 20 minutes of footage. I haven’t seen this cut in almost two decades, but I’d be curious to watch it again and see exactly what portions were cut out.
All cuts aside, my initial reaction upon watching this movie was generally positive. I thought the movie was quite cheesy, especially in the acting department, but that’s right up my alley. I was also impressed by the visual presentation of the movie: The sets, costume design, the use of colors… Flash Gordon is a visually beautiful movie, and I still feel that way when I watch it now.
I still had the desire to see the full, UNCUT version of Flash Gordon, so off to Ebay I went, in hopes to find an official copy. Unfortunately for me, in 2005 Flash Gordon hadn’t reached the cult status it holds today. Copies were few and far between on Ebay. VHS copies were pricey, as was the case with the initial DVD release, distributed by Image Entertainment, that came in a cardboard “snapper case” rather than the traditional plastic DVD case.
So, I gave up on trying to find an official copy of Flash. Fast Forward to 2007, and Universal Pictures announces that they’ll be releasing a new DVD edition of Flash Gordon, dubbed the Saviour of the Universe Edition. Now, by this time, my interest in finding a copy of the film had died down, but I would eventually pick up a copy for $9.99 at Zellers in 2009, and I’m glad I did: The presentation on this DVD is glorious, and the film looks absolutely fantastic.
In my opinion, I think that the availability of this edition, plus all of the Flash Gordon references in Seth MacFarlane’s 2012 film Ted (where Sam J. Jones appears in a cameo as an exaggerated version of himself) have introduced the film to a new generation, a new audience and have propelled it to super cult status.
Having recently watched the film again for this review, I can safely say that, while the film is not without its flaws (the aforementioned acting, not to mention occasional humor that feels forced), it’s still a highly enjoyable film that keeps the viewer’s attention all the way through, mainly due to the wonderful cinematography.
I definitely felt an Italian-style of filmmaking here, and while doing research I found out why I got this impression: Much of the crew for the film was Italian. But to get more specific, I got vibes of Federico Fellini while I was watching. Which is funny, because I’ve never actually watched any of his films, but I know enough about him and his style of filmmaking to be able to detect a similarity. Come to find out, Fellini was actually one of the first choices (if not THE first choice) to direct the film. They even make a reference to him early on in the film: When we first see Princess Aura (Ornella Muti), she is pulling a little person (Deep Roy) using a leash, and she says “Come, Fellini”.
An important part of the film which is worth mentioning is the fantastic soundtrack by Queen, which acts like a character on its own. It really helps amp up the action sequences, and the film wouldn’t have been the same without it.
I would recommend this film to any fan of science-fiction, particularly fans of the original Star Wars, a big inspiration for Flash Gordon, which incidentally was released almost six months after the release of The Empire Strikes Back.
My rating: 3/5
FLASH GORDON (1980)
Directed by: Mike Hodges
Produced by: Dino De Laurentiis
Starring: Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, Max Von Sydow, Topol, Ornella Muti, Timothy Dalton, and Brian Blessed.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective… This movie may be regarded as just a silly little comedy to some, but to me, this is a very important film. Not only was this my introduction to Jim Carrey when I was 9-years-old and my family rented the tape from Variety Video as a new release, but this was the movie that made me go “I want to be funny and make people laugh like THAT guy!”.
I attribute many influences to my comical style (Chevy Chase, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, and the list goes on), but Jim Carrey was a HUGE influence on me, especially at that age. The hours I spent in front of the mirror doing those Carrey-esque faces, and I know I wasn’t the only kid to do so.
Needless to say, Ace Ventura became an instant favorite of mine, and I would catch it any time it would come on TV (usually the French-Canadian dubbed version, which I’ve seen A LOT), but in the early 2000s, I started noticing that airings on Network Television contained extra footage I didn’t remember seeing before. “It must be my imagination.”, I thought. “These scenes are probably on the actual home video version of the film, which I haven’t seen in a while.“. Then in the Summer of 2001, I bought a legitimate, factory-sealed VHS tape of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, which had a note on the front cover: “Featuring Additional Footage Not Seen Theatrically!”.
That’s it! This edition must feature those super secret scenes I saw on TV, right? It’s got to, because I paid for it, and it’s manufactured by Warner Home Video. You can imagine my disappointment when I watched it, and it was just the usual version I had seen in the past. Those scenes from the Network TV airings were nowhere to be found. I felt so cheated. Cheated, and confused. I thought that when you bought an official VHS tape of a movie, you had the most complete version available. How young and naive I was. And what about this “additional footage” they were talking about on the front cover? I’ll get to that a bit later.
As the years went by, I would catch this alternate version of Ace every now and again on TV, and one day in October of 2004, I see that Atlanta-based network TBS will be airing said version, so I loaded up the ol’ VCR and taped it. I didn’t really do anything with it for a while, but keep in mind that this is a couple of years before YouTube really took off, so I was glad to have a tape that contained those scenes so I could watch ‘em whenever I want.
Fast forward to 2010. I’m thinking to myself: I have the official VHS tape of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, and I have the Network TV version that censors and cuts some stuff out, but adds in those extra scenes (almost TEN minutes of footage!). I have the necessary technology now, so how awesome would it be if I made my own extended cut of the film? A JEXtended cut, if you will. And that’s exactly what I did.
One night in December of 2010, I captured both of my VHS versions of Ace to my computer, and then took the scenes from the TV cut and spliced them into the theatrical cut, bringing it from a measly 87 minutes to a now more satisfactory 96 minutes. How did it come out? Well, let’s just say I can no longer watch the theatrical version of the film now; it HAS to be my extended cut. It flows so well, and the extra scenes actually add to the story (especially the whole Ace / Melissa storyline), not to mention it has jokes that should never have been removed. Sure, there is a slight difference in picture and audio quality during the deleted scenes, but I’m still very happy with how it came out, and it’s better than nothing, right?
Now you’re probably dying to hear about these deleted scenes, so let’s get into it:
THE DOLPHIN TRAINER
Now, there has always been a debate as to whether or not this is, in fact, a deleted scene. People remember seeing it on early home video versions of the movie. Remember the “Featuring Additional Footage Not Seen Theatrically!” note on the front cover of the VHS tape? THIS is the scene that’s referring to. This scene was actually not included in the theatrical version of the film, but was inserted back in for home video releases, making it a deleted scene, technically.
DVD and Blu-Ray versions of the film that are presented in the widescreen format do NOT include this scene. To my knowledge, it has only ever been released in the “Full Frame” 4X3 format on VHS and the initial DVD release from 1997.
The scene occurs right after Ace checks out the empty dolphin tank at the football field, investigating the kidnapping of the Miami Dolphins’ pet mascot, Snowflake. Reporters show up to the football field to get footage of Snowflake for the evening news, not knowing that the dolphin has been kidnapped. While Roger Podacter (Troy Evans) struggles to get rid of the press, Ace (Jim Carrey) jumps out of the tank claiming to be Heinz Getwellvet, a German dolphin trainer. He goes into a long speech about training Snowflake, and even imitates the dolphin, complete with hilarious sound effects! This successfully gets rid of the reporters, and they end up walking away.
The TV version even extends this scene a bit by adding some dialogue between Melissa (Courteney Cox) and Ace. After the reporters leave, Melissa asks Ace “Are you finished, Heinz?” to which he replies “Not Yet.”.
He goes to the tank, lifts up a tarp, then unscrews a cover to remove the lid of the tank filter in which he finds a stone. A stone that fell off of a ring worn by whomever did the kidnapping. With the stone in hand, Ace says “Now I’m finished”.
In the home video version, after the reporters leave, it goes straight to Ace at the filter finding the stone, and he smiles with no dialogue at all. Sure, it’s not a huge addition, but I will accept any additional footage when it comes to this movie.
BILBO’S GAS STATION / PIGSKIN SPORTS BAR
Now there’s quite the gap between the first deleted scene and this one, but here we are. After the comical The Lion Sleeps Tonight scene between Melissa and Ace (which is actually cut from the broadcast version), Ace drives to Ray Finkle’s hometown to get some information. In the theatrical version, he goes straight to Ray Finkle’s parents’ house, but in the TV version, Ace makes some stops along the way.
His first stop is at Bilbo’s Gas Station. Ace drives up and honks his horn for service, moving his mouth to mimic the horn. The depressed-looking attendant (named Fern Bilbo, according to the film’s script), comes out. Ace asks Fern for directions to the Pigskin Sports Bar. Fern eventually breaks down in tears, claiming “They all left me… All of them!”.
Ace: “Well… Hypothetically speaking, say they all left you and went to the Pigskin Sports Bar. How would they have gotten there from here?”
Fern: “Two miles down and take the first left.”
Ace thanks him, then gets in his car and leaves the scene. According to the film’s script, this scene was a bit longer and darker, starting with Fern sitting at his desk with a shotgun in his mouth, which he takes out to go outside and talk to Ace. Once they finish their conversation and Ace leaves, Fern goes back inside and puts the gun back in his mouth. Another car pulls up to the pump. Fern once again takes the gun out of his mouth, saying: “Can’t get anything done around here…”.
Whether or not the shotgun scenes were actually filmed, I don’t know for sure, but I will say that I’m glad they didn’t make it into the finished product, as they’re much too dark in contrast to the rest of the film.
Ace’s second stop is at the Pigskin Sports Bar, which is not the most welcoming place. It’s very dirty, with the saddest country song playing on the stereo. Ace walk in and tries to make chit chat with the bar patrons but fails, as nobody wants to talk to him. However, when he mentions he’s looking for Ray Finkle, now he’s in trouble as everyone in town hates the guy, on account of them losing money on the Dolphins due to Finkle costing the Dolphins the Superbowl that year.
My favorite part of this whole scene is when a patron breaks a bottle while approaching Ace, and Ace says “Oh, you wanna play with glass, huh?” and he takes out his contact lens and breaks it against the bar, saying “Come on, FAT BOY!”.
After they all calm down, the bar patrons explain their hatred towards Finkle. Ace asks if anyone’s seen him lately, and the bartender says:
“No… but we know where his parents live! Don’t we boys?!”
To which one of the hicks replies “Yeah! We sure do!”. To me, this scene is important, because it explains all of the graffiti on Ray Finkle’s parents’ house when Ace arrives there in the next scene.
SHADY ACRES PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL / ACE & MELISSA / WOODSTOCK / CANNIBAL CORPSE CONCERT
The following four deleted scenes all take place one after the other.
After doing some snooping at Shady Acres Psychiatric Hospital and discovering that there’s a link between Ray Finkle and Lois Einhorn, Ace calls Emilio (Tone Lōc) to tell him the news, all while an elderly resident imitates him.
When he hangs up, Doctor Handly (David Margulies) comes to Ace (who’s supposed to be a potential patient) and asks:
-“Who were you talking to?”
–Ace: “That was my agent. I’m the new spokesman for Nike. JUST DO IT!”
We then cut to Ace dropping Melissa off at home after leaving the psychiatric hospital.
Melissa kisses him goodnight, and begins to tell him that, with the Superbowl being the next day, he did his best at finding Snowflake and she’s proud of him.
Ace makes it clear that he’s not done working on the case, and says: “Bet on the Dolphins!”.
This scene is short but adds more to the romantic storyline between Melissa and Ace, and shows more of the great chemistry between Courteney Cox and Jim Carrey.
After Ace drops off Melissa, he pays another visit to his hacker friend, Woodstock (Raynor Scheine), seen earlier in the film. They try to find a connection between Einhorn and Finkle looking at their credit reports, but with no luck. Ace tells him “Thanks for nothin’!”, and goes to the Cannibal Corpse concert happening in the same building.
Now this scene is often mistaken as part of the theatrical version, but that’s because Cannibal Corpse already appears once in the movie, playing the same song, Hammer Smashed Face. However, this second scene featuring the band is a bit more memorable, at least to me.
While talking to some metalheads in the crowd, Ace notices the two men who kidnapped Dan Marino walking into the concert. The ones he had a car chase with earlier in the movie. They recognize Ace and immediately start running after him. To lose them, Ace jumps on stage with Cannibal Corpse. The band, not knowing what to do, stops playing. Ace quickly grabs a microphone and shouts: “ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!!”, and the band resumes playing.
This scene is absolutely hilarious, with a shirtless Jim Carrey just growling into the mic, and doing these body slams into the stage. The scene ends with Ace telling the crowd what is probably my favorite line cut from the movie:
“I gotta go, guys. I got a date with your MOTHERS!”. Mic drop.
Again, this scene may seem like a repeat of the first scene featuring Cannibal Corpse, but the addition of Ace fleeing from the kidnappers and jumping on stage makes it even better. This scene highlights Jim Carrey’s comic genius, and it just shouldn’t have been cut.
COMPETENT PEOPLE
This is the shortest additional scene, running at 25 seconds. It features the owner of the Miami Dolphins, Riddle (Noble Willingham), and multi-millionaire Ronald Camp (Udo Kier) sitting in a lounge at the football stadium, while Melissa stands nearby. Camp says to Riddle:
-“I’m still shocked about Marino. How could this happen?”
To which Riddle sarcastically responds, shouting towards Melissa:
-“Competence. I’ve surrounded myself with competent people!”.
This scene is a strange addition, especially considering that we haven’t seen Riddle since his only scene early on in the movie. But, as I said before, I’ll take any additional footage I can get!
SNOWFLAKE STEALS EINHORN’S GUN
And now, the final deleted scene, and it’s a good one!
While in the warehouse with Ace, Dan Marino and Snowflake as hostages, Einhorn (Sean Young) threatens to shoot Snowflake the dolphin. Snowflake jumps up and takes the gun away from Einhorn’s hand.
Ace stands up and cheers, saying how he communicated with Snowflake using telepathy. He then says to snowflake to give him the gun, using once again the dolphin voice he did in the “Dolphin Trainer” scene.
Snowflake instead gives the gun BACK to Einhorn, to which Ace shouts “STUPID FISH!”.
There you have it! A whole nine minutes of additional footage, and I highly encourage you to check them out on YouTube. User Videolab has uploaded most of these scenes in a 720p resolution. Quite better than my old VHS quality, I will admit.
Next year will mark 30 years since the film’s release, and part of me is hopeful that Warner Home Video will release a “30th Anniversary Extended Cut” or “Tom Shadyac Director’s Cut” on blu-ray, but at the same time, I’m not holding my breath.
In the meantime, I’m more than happy enjoying my homemade “Extended Cut” that I captured from my VHS tapes, for these two reasons:
The movie is just better that way, and I can no longer watch any other version of the film now.
I put it together myself, and that just makes it all the more special.
Last week, I was thinking of random television episodes that could be fun for me to review in the future, and one of the first to come to mind was the Saturday Night Live episode that Pee-Wee Herman hosted in 1985.
Yesterday, July 31st 2023, it was announced that Paul Reubens (best known for his character of Pee-Wee Herman) had passed away the day before, after a six-year battle with cancer. Reubens had kept his cancer battle a complete secret from the public eye, as he didn’t want his fans to worry about him.
After hearing this unfortunate news, I figured there was no better time than now to review the SNL episode he hosted as Pee-Wee Herman, on November 23, 1985.
He hosted the third episode of the show’s eleventh season, and before diving into it, I need to mention what a bizarre season this was altogether. This was mostly due to the fact that it marked the return of executive producer Lorne Michaels, who had taken a five-year hiatus from the show. You can feel rust in the wheels, and the cast (which included many future stars) were doing the best that they could.
Another thing that I should mention is that this episode is nearly impossible to find in its full, uncut broadcast form. The copy I have is a HEAVILY condensed version featured on the VHS tape Saturday Night Live: The Best of 1985, and runs for 20 minutes. With commercials, the original broadcast was 90 minutes long. Also noteworthy is that both musical performances by Queen Ida & The Bon Temps Zydeco Band have been removed from this version. Even the mention of their name by announcer Don Pardo has been removed from the opening credits.
Through the magic of YouTube, I was able to find two sketches omitted from my VHS version, which I will throw in at the appropriate spots.
All that having been said, let’s take a look at the 198th episode of Saturday Night Live: Pee-Wee Herman / Queen Ida & The Bon Temps Zydeco Band (S11E03).
COLD OPEN
The cast (Robert Downey Jr., Jon Lovitz, Anthony Michael Hall, Danitra Vance, Nora Dunn and Joan Cusack) look up as Pee-Wee Herman walks a tight rope between the World Trade Centers, making the sketch even more sentimental.
This is all visually entertaining, as Herman is clearly on a stage in his close-up shots, but for the wide shots we’re graced with the sight of a tiny Pee-Wee figurine walking a tight rope between two miniature Twin Towers. A bird gets in the way of Pee-Wee, making him lose his balance and fall off the tightrope. In mid-freefall, Herman shouts the show’s signature catchphrase: LIVE FROM NEW-YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!
To my memory, this has got to be the shortest cold open I’ve seen on the show, running at a mere 50 seconds, but it gets the point across, and lets the audience know the kind of wackiness they’re in store for during the next 90 minutes (60 minutes in syndication / 20 minutes on my VHS tape).
OPENING CREDITS
I need to briefly mention the opening credits because, as I mentioned previously, season 11 of SNL featured many actors / comedians that would become well known in years to come, such as Robert Downey Jr., Anthony Michael Hall (SNL’s youngest male cast member at 17 years old), Joan Cusack, Jon Lovitz and Damon Wayans.
PEE-WEE HERMAN MONOLOGUE
This is, for me, a highlight of this episode because it features Pee-Wee in his full element: in front of a live audience. He’s no stranger to this as can be seen in The Pee-Wee Herman Show, not to mention all of his appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. Pee-Wee Loves the audience, and the audience loves him.
The usual guest host will stay on stage and recite their monologue, but Pee-Wee goes right into the audience, jumping at a male audience member, shouting “Catch me!”. He then walks to a woman in the audience:
-What’s your name, miss?
-Valerie.
-Valerie, for the duration of tonight’s show, your secret Saturday Night Live name is going to be “Valerie O.”.
He then addresses the rest of the audience and tells them their secret names are their first name followed by the letter “O”, after which he approaches the main camera and puts his face right to it. I can’t help but wonder if this was all improvised, because it sure feels like it. On the other hand, certain aspects lead me to believe it was all scripted:
A man holding up cue cards can be seen in one shot
Lorne Michaels is notorious for not being fond of ad-libs or improvisations on the show
We’re then treated to another Pee-Wee Herman trademark: Prop Comedy! He first takes out a pair of platform shoes and does the Tequila dance (as seen in the 1985 film Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure). He then takes out a pair of over-sized pink high heels and does a dance to the song Fever. He then finally takes out a pair of Chuck Taylor’s tennis shoes and once again dances to Tequila, this time standing on his tip toes. Quite impressive, actually.
While putting on the tennis shoes, he asks the audience if they’ve seen his movie Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. He then happily reports that the film has done well, but not as well as Back to the Future, which is said with some playful bitterness.
“The plot of my next film is going to be me going back in time and trying to find Michael J. Fox’s parents and make sure they never meet.”
Once again, this whole monologue is a hoot to watch, and I wish Pee-Wee would have had the opportunity to host the show some more.
JUST SAY NO… TO THE ARMY
The next sketch doesn’t feature Pee-Wee Herman in it at all, but is rather a pre-recorded segment that spoofs public service announcements from the ‘80s.
We see Anthony Michael Hall in a car with three friends, two of which I recognize: Robert Downey Jr. at the wheel and future Kids in the Hall member Bruce McCulloch in the passenger seat. We quickly get the idea that peer pressure is the topic at hand here: Hall is handed a bottle of alcohol from Mr. Downey Jr., and he hesitantly takes a drink. Then, as they hop out of the car, Mr. MCulloch offers him a cigarette. Once again, he reluctantly accepts the offer.
Next the four friends walk into a building. It’s not clear as to where they are. It almost feels like they’re going to pressure young Hall into getting a tattoo. The next shot just shows him shouting “NO!”, and it’s revealed to be an Army recruiting center, which he walks out of, followed by the caption: “The Army. It’s like playing with a loaded gun.”.
Honestly, I don’t really get this one. I understand the whole parody aspect and how there was probably a similar commercial relating to drugs and / or alcohol, but I don’t really understand the whole rejecting the Army aspect.
However, I will say that the sketch is well filmed and that they captured the feel of old ‘80s commercials perfectly.
LOCKER ROOM
This is probably my favorite sketch from the episode. Randy Quaid and Pee-Wee play two friends in a locker room after a workout, and Quaid reveals to Pee-Wee that he and his wife are having intimacy problems, and he tries to hint that he’s thinking of hiring a prostitute. Of course, innocent Pee-Wee isn’t catching on to any of the hints, and all of the misunderstandings lead to hilarious results, and a memorable punchline!
PEE-WEE’S THANKSGIVING SPECIAL
This is a strange one. Even having just watched it last night, I still don’t know what to make of it. I get that it’s poking fun at Holiday Specials of the past, and there were elements I found funny, like Pee-Wee clearly reading from cue cards, in an exaggerated fashion.
Co-hosting this special is Brooke Shields (Joan Cusack), and this is where I think it loses me. There are several jokes revolving around Brooke’s intelligence, and how she doesn’t understand certain things because her whole life has been modeling, and nothing else. I don’t know much about the actual Brooke Shields, so whether or not this is how she was treated at the time, I don’t know. I think that’s why I didn’t get it as much: because it’s very much of the time, and if you weren’t around or aware of this back then, you probably won’t get the joke.
Terry Sweeney performs as Diana Ross, and I must say he does a rather good job in the part. Danitra Vance plays Cicely Tyson, who shows up to give a dark history of Thanksgiving:
–“When the Indians first celebrated the first Thanksgiving, they had a lot more to be thankful for than they do today.”
–“What do you mean, Cicely?”
-“Well, since then, the Indians have had their land stolen by the white man, and they’ve been massacred.”
Pee-Wee’s reply to this is that she’s bumming him out, and he only invited her to introduce the next sketch, which features himself, Brooke Shields (Cusack) and Diana Ross (Sweeney) recreating a hippy Thanksgiving from the late ‘60s. Hall & Oates (Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey Jr.) then show up, only to be cut off by Herman, saying that they’ve run out of time.
Again, I do not know what to make of this sketch. There just seems to be a lot going on, and many of the jokes are now dated. However, I’ve discovered that the sketch was co-written by frequent Pee-Wee collaborator Phil Hartman, who would join the cast the following season and become an SNL legend.
At this point on my VHS tape, we go straight to the goodnights / end credits, but before we get to that, I’ll talk about two additional sketches I found on YouTube:
BIG HOUSE (A.K.A. “JAIL CELL”)
Jon Lovitz’s recurring character Tommy Flanagan (the Pathological Liar) is joined in a jail cell by Pee-Wee Herman, and the two exchange lies about past crimes they’ve committed.
This is a fun sketch, as every lie gets crazier and crazier as the sketch progresses. The big payoff is when the guard (Dan Vitale) shows up to bail them out and reveals the actual crime that Tommy had committed to get himself there.
Big shame that this one was cut out of my VHS version, as I find it to be much better than Pee-Wee’s Thanksgiving Special.
DINOSAUR TOWN
Although I was able to find this sketch on YouTube, it wasn’t uploaded by the official Saturday Night Live channel, but rather by a user named Dwayne_Mitchell, who made the decision to mirror and zoom in on the picture in an effort to avoid being picked up by copyright detectors. I flipped the images back to the original orientation for the screenshots below.
The story revolves around Mr. and Mrs. Sturdevant (Randy Quaid and Joan Cusack) who are about to lose their Dinosaur Town theme park due to them being $1,000,000 in debt. Pee-Wee is devastated upon hearing the news, and the three of them come up with an idea to put a mouse in a Coke bottle and sue the Coca-Cola Company. This is very reminiscent of the Bob & Doug McKenzie “Mouse in a Beer Bottle” sketch from SCTV.
Pee-Wee calls a couple of his friends from Chicago (Anthony Michael Hall and Damon Wayans), and they hook him up with a Coke bottle fully equipped with a mouse.
As you may have guessed, everything works out in the end and the Sturdevants don’t lose Dinosaur Town. This one was a lot of fun in terms of story and writing, and is WAY better than the Thanksgiving Special. I still can’t understand why that one was featured on the VHS release, and these last two weren’t.
The remaining sketches that I haven’t been able to find online are: The Pat Stevens Show, Die Foreigner Die! (a trailer spoof for a Sylvester Stallone / Chuck Norris action flick), Weekend Update (Don Novello returns as Father Guido Sarducci after a five-year hiatus), Love Letter, Pregnancy Tips and Money Magnetism Seminar.
GOODNIGHTS
The cast dance behind Pee-Wee as he does a rendition of James Brown’s Sex Machine. Great way to end the show, if you ask me!
So there you have it, the infamous Pee-Wee Herman episode of Saturday Night Live. Overall, I enjoyed the sketches that I was able to watch, and as strange as it is to see an SNL host be the SAME character during the whole show, it works here as Pee-Wee just has that fantastic screen presence, not to mention a great chemistry with the entire cast.